The Twilight Zone of Slayers Fanfics
by Hizzy
Summary: A Slayers fanfic from an opposite dimension. All the characters act opposite to the way they really are. (Co-written by fun'iki_senjo)


DISCLAIMER: We don't own Slayers. But we own ourselves. Of course, I don't own Fun'iki_senjo. She doesn't own me. So we don't own each other. But I will say that I own me. She can't own me. Unless she was saying "I own me." In which case, means she owns herself... and that means she owns me but not me as in, who's writing this and- *explodes*  
SUMMARY: In this fanfic, we will proceed to describe the various characters in ways that will falsify their personalities to an extent that will alternatively bewilder you and indulge your sense of humor... and in the words of Hizzy, we take all them characters from Slayers and make the way they are opposite of the way they are and then it's funny. Whee!!!  
-HIZZY- (and, yes, Fun'iki_senjo)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
One day, which happens to be opposite day (every Wednesday of the months ending in 5), Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zelgadis, and Filia were walking in a forest and for once, were not on some sort of adventure. They were very bored because they had absolutely nothing to do. Not even destroy some dark lord. In fact, they had already destroyed all of the bandits in the world. Very boring. Then, on the path they were following, Gourry spotted some berries.  
Gourry stopped and pointed at the blue speckled berries and proclaimed, "Hey, are those the rare Lysionalutopian berries only found in this degree of longitude? I can't believe they survived this global warming! What surprises me more is that they are growing in this forest where there is not quite enough sunlight to fit their particular evolutionary needs. What an extraordi-"  
Lina interrupted in a subdued tone, "Oh, no thanks, Gourry-dear, I'm not really hungry right now. I'm on a diet, anyway."  
Suddenly, Zelgadis yelled, "I'll eat them! They look delicious! I heard berries are great for your complexion! My skin has been so silky and smooth lately but I don't think the food we've been eating is going to do very well for it. My, what a bright, sunny day for berry picking!"  
"You can't eat those berries, Zelgadis," Gourry quickly interjected, "The Lysionalutopian berries are extremely toxic! Even consuming one small sample could produce horrific results, the least of which being de-"  
"You loser!" Amelia groaned, "This sucks! I can't believe I hang out with you freaks! If my father weren't so %$&#ing annoying I wouldn't be here right now. %&$#!!!"  
Meanwhile, Filia stared off into space dreamily. "Oh, I only wish my one true love, Xellos-sama, were here! I wish I were a mazoku so I could marry him. I'm glad he killed my kind... Golden Dragons were wrong with everything they ever did... How can I be related to them?"  
At that moment, Amelia started foaming at the mouth and growling. Gourry observed the possible diseases she might have contracted. Lina continued reading her "Miss Manners...A guide to edicate" book. Zelgadis pondered eating Amelia while narcissistically examining his reflection in a mirror (produced from his purse). Filia tripped over a tree root while lovingly stroking a Xellos plushie. Everything was as it should be.  
  
That night, everyone was at an inn. They were all sharing a room because this day nobody cared who saw them doing their most private activities. There was a timid knock on the door. Zelgadis leapt out of his seat and bounded over to the door to answer it.  
"May I help you," he asked cheerfully while he opened the door.  
"Can... can I come in?" Xellos asked from the opposite side of the doorway.   
On the other side of the room, little hearts surrounded Filia as she stared at Xellos. 'Could this be a dream?' she wondered to herself in awe, 'Is it really him???'  
Lina smiled at the appearance of the unexpected guest, "Oh, come right in Xellos! Please, have something to eat! I couldn't possibly finish it all myself!" Gourry didn't say anything, as he was off in the corner meditating near Amelia, who was watching MTV while swearing constantly.  
Xellos entered the room and grew a bit more excited, "I have to tell you a secret! Now, Zelas told me not to tell you guys but I simply MUST tell you!!! Apparently, Zelgadis's cure can be found at the local Wal-Mart."  
Zelgadis shrugged, "Meh. I think I'm started to like this form of mine. I'm more popular with the chicks this way."  
At his failure, Xellos had a sorrowful expression on his face and a single tear fell down his cheek. The next moment he smiled again, "There's another secret I'd like to tell all of you!"   
Gourry, mildly curious, stopped meditating to pose a question to Xellos, "May I inquire as to the nature or purpose of such disclosure and if it relates to us in any way that might be of consequence?"  
After a moment of quiet contemplation, Xellos cleared his throat and announced, "I'm in love with Filia!"  
Filia snapped out of her daze and squealed in joy, "Do you really mean that!?"  
Xellos took Filia's hands in his and drew her nearer, "Of course, Filia-chan. Every moment I am without you I die inside with yearning for my one true love! If I could have but one wish it would be a tender kiss from this angel who stands before me. And now that I have spoken these words to you my life is-"  
Amelia whirled around to face the lovers, "%$@ $&*$&$! &*& %&$! $^%*& %!@# $%&*!!! You made me miss the good stuff! And if this weren't a rerun I'd beat your face in!" She growled in anger, then turned the channel to 'South Park'.  
Of course, not even an interruption as such could stop the undying love of Filia and Xellos and they were now kissing passionately and proceeded to move into the broom closet. Everyone else watched with little or no interest.  
Lina had a downcast look on her face. Amelia noticed but didn't care. Zelgadis thought how much more handsome he was than Gourry. Gourry was reading up on the ancient history of the Roman pantheon of Gods. Filia and Xellos were in the broom closet... trying to prove their love for each other despite the obstruction of janitors, who were now scarred for life.  
After a few hours of that, Lina finally turned to Gourry and said, "Gourry, after hearing all those secrets Xellos told us, I decided to tell you my secret." Gourry looked up from his 10,000 page book, disinterested. Lina continued, "I'm... I'm... I'm anorexic... and bulimic... and obese... and pregnant!"  
Gourry gasped, "Why, the predicaments which you face are also my own!" Lina looked confused. Gourry sighed at her inferior intellect, "Me too." Just then, Gourry and Amelia began kissing passionately, the whole time of which, Amelia was giving him the finger and Gourry was reading over her shoulder. Lina grumbled and decided to solve her problems in a non-violent manner. Naturally, she consulted her friend and advisor, Martha Stewart.   
At that particular moment, Filia and Xellos burst out of the closet gasping for breath and wearing each other's clothing. They fell to the floor, one on top of the other, and Amelia started to gag, while she and Gourry proceeded into the broom closet. Zelgadis decided to become a professional model. Lina wondered if she should call her beloved sister.  
Several days later, Amelia and Gourry emerged from the closet. After a few steps, Gourry fell to the ground, trying to pull out the knife Amelia had stabbed into his back, all the while calculating just how much blood he could lose before he first lost consciousness, and then died altogether. Amelia pulled out a machine gun and shot everyone in the room while laughing maniacally. Everyone else either sat staring at her incredulously at her whilst being shot to bits or gazed into each other's eyes lovingly.  
The....end?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
^_^ Lets give a hand to fun'iki_senjo, who hasn't written any fanfics before. She was the one who came up with all the smart sounding stuff in here. I was the one who came up with all the stuff that didn't seem to make any sense whatsoever (even for this fanfic!)  
-HIZZY-   
(and  
~fun'iki_senjo~) 


End file.
